The topic of boundaries comes up frequently in tarot readings. Many people have difficulty feeling entitled to their boundaries and also mustering the courage to defend their boundaries. These days, with social media and the internet allowing so much access, I think it makes the conversation about boundaries even more important.
When you think about the topic of boundaries and the correlating cards in tarot you may immediately think about cards like the Seven of Wands or the Nine of Wands. The figure has established their perimeter, and they are defending it.
For me, a discussion about boundaries reaches beyond that definition. Defending a boundary that you have established is part of the equation certainly, but what about when a boundary changes?
Dealing with what to do when your boundaries shift is a lot more complicated than defending an already established one. People can be more resistant to it, because for some reason we arenât allowed to change our minds. But why wouldnât we change our minds? Why wouldnât our boundaries shift? Everything else in life changes. Right?
I recently discovered that one of my own personal challenges in life was that once I granted someone a certain level of access to me, I didnât feel I was empowered to retract that access. This made me wary of allowing anyone any access ever, because I felt like I couldnât take it back if it felt wrong after-the-fact. The predictable result was being very lonely, because I wouldnât allow anyone to get too close. This applied to things as seemingly benign as accepting friends on Facebook to as serious as choices of partners.
My point is, the ability to relocate your defensive line is essential. Itâs important to be able to continue communicating and defending your boundaries, once you realize they need to be moved. Or perhaps firstly, itâs important to be mindful enough to know they need to be moved. The worst thing that you can do is try to gut-it-out in hopes that your boundary needs will return to where they were. They might, but there is no guarantee of that.
As you change and as your needs change, so to will your boundaries. Sometimes they may be contracting, sometimes they may be expanding. Sometimes the changes will be permanent, sometimes they will be temporary, and sometimes you wonât know whether they are going to be permanent or temporary until they are in place.
However your boundaries may change, however often they may change, they are still valid and you are still entitled to have them respected. Feel free to tweet that. đ
The best way that I have found to deal with these types of shifts is to communicate with people and be as honest as you feel comfortable being (make it about you, this is your need.). Easier said than done I know, but better than feeling constantly violated because folks arenât aware that your boundaries have shifted and that they are now crossing them unknowingly. The people who hem and haw and tell you that you are “flaky” or “wishy-washy”they arenât a positive presence in your life anyway, so donât worry about them.
I would love to hear what you think of this topic, itâs one that is near and dear to my heart, so feel free to comment.
Have a great week all,